What I’m Sure Of

What I'm Sure Of

I haven’t shared a poem I penned since July of last year when I blogged about my favorite piece ever (at the time). The poem I wrote then, “Never Let Me Go” was about a man I bonded with and who ultimately moved away. I don’t ever let anyone read my poems in person, but I feel like sharing them here, even the most intimate and secret ones, allows me to release those harbored feelings and free myself from them. A sentence I love from that post is “It’s easier for me to re-read this poem as what it is—a memory of a time that meant something to me—instead of as a current ache.” Today’s piece titled “What I’m Sure Of” is entirely different from “Never Let Me Go” in that it doesn’t focus on one particular time, but it instead touches on many moments that deeply affected me. “What I’m Sure Of” is also about a man—someone who negatively impacted me more than anyone ever has. Probably only two people in the world aside from me and said man know about these mentioned memories, so I wrote them down to take back the agency I didn’t have when I was younger and a character in each sentence (inspired by Olivia Gatwood). Ultimately this piece is about what I didn’t know then and now know to be grooming and what it feels like to be taken advantage of by someone who should’ve known better. In the brief and traumatizing story of me and this person, I never had the chance or maturity to speak about all of these different things that happened to me. Through “What I’m Sure Of,” I’m the one with the voice and I get to name what I experienced throughout several years of my young life. And no one, not even this man or his now loved ones, can take this away from me.