Never Let Me Go

Never Let Me Go

For some reason, I find bearing my soul to the world comforting and routine (I do it here every day!), though I would never tell anyone these secrets in person. I know, make it make sense! I thought writing about my mental illnesses and anger problems for the first time in 2018 was the most exposed I could be, but alas, I decided to share my most private poems a couple years ago as I’ve been inspired by my favorite poet Olivia Gatwood (her most recent collection, Life of the Party, is my favorite chapbook ever) and today’s piece definitely makes me feel exposed. I wrote “Never Let Me Go” back in December (and the sharing of it now is funny since my last personal piece was titled On Letting Go) when I was tangled in what could almost have been a connection with a man who moved away. “Never Let Me Go” was meant to memorialize a specific moment in time where I had all of these feelings at once and the clock kept pulling them away from me. I wanted to use this piece to mourn what I felt like could have existed if the world stopped spinning. As opposed to “On Letting Go,” which was about an actual relationship in the past, “Never Let Me Go” was written in the thick of my emotions. Now that it’s six months later and the subject and I are thousands of miles apart, it’s easier to distance myself from what I was feeling when I wrote the piece. It’s easier for me to re-read this poem as what it is—a memory of a time that meant something to me—instead of as a current ache. And I think I have writing and my weekly therapy sessions to thank for that growth.

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