In Which Megan Leaves Me for Two Years + I Hate Austin

Before Megan leaves for two years

My beloved and annoying grown ass sister Megan for some reason decided to set her MFA sights on a program in the fiery pits of hell aka Austin, TX. Megan has always dreamed of writing professionally and her current educational discipline is taking her to that hellhole for two years despite our familial rivalry. Of course her burnt orange campus and town is but a smudge compared to that of Baylor and Waco (only objectivity over here), but alas, Megan’s going to do what she wants and that means she’ll reside among the likes of Joe Rogan (disgust), Matthew McConaughey (hate), and probably soon Elon Musk (Satan). Oh, did I mention she’s attending the worst school to ever exist in the history of the world (or was that already obvious)? It’s no secret in this household we hate UT primarily because of their irrelevant sports programs, former and current coach(es) (mainly Tom Herman), and the worst fanbase known to man. I hate Austin mostly because of the terrible school it holds, but also because of the vastness of granola liberals. The whitest of white feminists/Democrats widely consider the city one of the best parts of the state, but I think not! In fact I can’t think of anything worse than eating breakfast near a table of wealthy white liberals who celebrate B*den in the streets and boast about how involved they are in the voting process. Have I written enough yet about my true animosity toward Austin and UT? I could go on forever, but at this point I’ve said too much and I should probably move on to speaking only kind things about my lovely sister who is leaving me for two years.

I’ve spoken at length about Megan on This Is Noelle over the past eight (almost nine good L*rd!) years and all of the characteristics I attributed to her since we were 15 and 19 are still the same today at 24 and 28. Megan is the most stressed out person I know and she also has good qualities I can attest to! When she’s not totally wazzed out, Megan is extremely kind and generous and up for (almost) anything I ask. She is still the smartest person I know in the world and I’m still irritated by that fact. No matter what she puts her mind to, she succeeds, and that’s mostly because she’s such a hard worker. Even when she was mistreated and overworked at her previous job, she still put in 110% every day and was far better for that place than anyone else. Ultimately though, Megan’s most special gift is her talent for crafting stories both complex and readable for anyone interested in horror-adjacent, kānaka women-focused fiction (is that specific enough?). She uplifts protagonists no one else could ever write and she somehow creates these narratives in short bursts every day! I don’t know how she does it, but her work amazes me every time I’m lucky enough to read them. Megan is a fantastic sister to me in every time, place, and scenario, and I know she has my back no matter what or where we are (just as I do for her like when I recently unfollowed a fake ass friend!). Here’s hoping she won’t adopt that hideous orange in her unusual wardrobe and that she’s made enough white friends from now on! See you in October, Tre!!

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