Growing up, I always bragged about how I’d never broken a bone or had a cavity and my hearing and vision were “perfect” (I know, what an annoying ass kid, right?), so the bachi gods got me and ruined my eyeballs. My sight has been on a downfall for the past year or so, requiring me to constantly squint and make my tiny eyes regularly look even tinier. Yes, friends, I now have to wear eyeglasses like the grandpa I am but truthfully, I actually like how they look on me! I have an objectively large head to begin with, but I feel like my new pair of eyeglasses balance out the Picasso art that is my face. I had kind of accepted the fact that everything in the world had become blurry for me, but my mom convinced me to finally see an optometrist (I honestly typed optomologist first, which is a word that doesn’t exist and shows just how much I’m using my English degree) for the very first time and…that appointment did not go well. In another case of medical professionals not believing women, the vision doctor who saw me did not want me to rely on eyeglasses despite my (and mom’s) insisting that I do. For the three weeks after that first appointment, I went to my weekly football games squinting the hell out of my eyes and missing just about every other play due to my complete inability to see. It was fun! Thankfully, the next optometrist I went to said “Oh wow you cannot see” upon inaugural inspection and he. was. right. I have bad astigmatism and I’m apparently far sighted even though I can’t see very far but I also can’t see well when I’m reading a book because all of the words kind of jumble together and I guess might be dyslexic? Anyway, now here we are with my super cute and completely insurance-covered pair of DKNY eyeglasses that make my eyebrows look blue in the sunlight because I have strong blue light frames! Oh well, new eyebrows, new eyeglasses, new me!