Last month before everything went to shit, I wrote about my experience with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing or EMDR in my in-person therapy sessions and how the technique has brought me some clarity about my trauma, but has also been incredibly difficult to experience. Because every week’s session was focused only on EMDR, I often wanted to switch to talk therapy (or psychotherapy) because I thought it would be easier and less traumatizing to relive certain memories, but now that I’m continuing therapy online, I discovered that’s not the case. I’m extremely lucky that my healthcare provider, HMSA, has eliminated all co-pays for online therapy on Telehealth during the pandemic, so I’ve been able to do all of my weekly sessions through that resource. However, continuing therapy online has been a lot more tricky than I expected. It’s not my therapist’s fault that I haven’t been as satisfied with my online sessions as in person, because she’s doing her best to make the transition to distancing feel smooth. Unfortunately, to fully cope with and recognize my emotional and mental wounds, I think I need the weekly EMDR work, even if reprocessing sometimes leaves me exhausted and depressed. Talking about what’s been going on every week without having the ability to fully process different experiences has made me feel like we’re only reaching surface level discussions. We can only dig so deep if we’re just talking and switching through different subjects and I don’t often feel like I’m making the progress I was while in-person. My therapist said she might practice EMDR over Telehealth when she becomes more comfortable with the technique online, but until then, we’ll keep utilizing talk therapy. I’m probably looking forward to the end of quarantine more so that I’ll be able to stop continuing therapy online and can finally return to regular sessions with EMDR as the focused technique.