My only sister Megan’s 29th birthday is today! It feels like just yesterday we were punching and scratching each other in the backseat of our grandparent’s car while grandma threatened to drop us off at the bus stop if we didn’t stop fighting. Ah sweet memories. Decades later and we only inflict verbal violence upon each other now! I’m just kidding, we’re actually nice most of the time. Except when she makes me really mad, which is always. Megan and I have become so much closer over the years since my freshman year of college and I truly consider her to be one of my dearest friends (who would have thought I’d ever say that, am I right?). I’m thankful for her, even though she’s planning on moving to the worst city in the entire world to attend the worst University to ever exist ever. How blessed! Megan is legitimately one of the smartest people I know, which has always been super annoying, especially when I was in high school and had all of the same teachers she had. Fortunately, most of those teachers overlooked my academic shittiness because she positively influenced them almost into a trance from which I freely accepted all benefits! I guess she was good for something. Nowadays, we share most of the same loves for books, music, and tv shows like *whispers* The Bachelorette (always and forever obsessed), Manchester Orchestra, and New Girl. One of Megan’s worst qualities is her need to know the ending of every single episode and movie we watch and she always needs to tell the rest of us what happens. It’s infuriating and I often scream at her in annoyance. She also used to force us to eat dinner at 5:30 every time we saw her so she could be at home and in bed by 9 p.m. like a lunatic grandma, although thankfully she is not like that anymore. We even once had to leave a baseball game in the seventh inning (DURING A TIE AND AFTER A FIST FIGHT) because she wanted to go home!! Even though we told her to drive separately!! I’m still not over it!! I guess she doesn’t do that anymore though and goes to sleep at a normal human being time since she has a boyfriend now, which is good I guess? I just forgot this is supposed to be a joyful happy birthday post so I should be writing kind things about Megan, but this is real life so we’re being honest, okay? I should probably wrap this up at this point. Happy birthday Megan, you’re a swell sister whose positive qualities slightly outweigh the negatives!