Ever since I started transitioning my hair from limp and heat damaged to the curls you see today (evidence from five years ago when I was a tadpole without eyelashes), people have constantly tried to touch my hair. The rage stemming from these often well-intentioned but invasive grasps is the butt of many jokes between me and my family since they often receive the same jerking away from hugs and dodging pats on the back. I hate when people touch my hair. In Solange’s “Don’t Touch My Hair” she sings “Don’t touch my hair / When it’s the feelings I wear / Don’t touch my soul / When it’s the rhythm I know / Don’t touch my crown / They say the vision I’ve found / Don’t touch what’s there / When it’s the feelings I wear.” And yes, I know that writing a whole ass blog post about not wanting people’s fingers running through my curls is a bit much, but it happens enough for me to be annoyed. The entirety of my wash day routine takes approximately 2-2.5 hours (twice a week), which goes as follows: wash (clarify twice a month), condition (squish to condish and deep condition twice a month), partially dry with t-shirt, re-soak with spray bottle, spray with Shea Moisture Manuka Honey & Yogurt Hydrate + Repair Mult-Action Leave-In, split hair in four sections, apply dime size of Not Your Mother’s Curl Talk Defining Cream, apply small ball size of Not Your Mother’s Curl Talk Frizz Control Sculpting Gel, brush products through and create curl clumps with Denman Brush, scrunch products into hair shaft with t-shirt, flip hair to each side and scrunch, flip hair upside down and microplop on t-shirt before hover diffusing around hair for 30 minutes, diffuse side to side for another 30 minutes, split hair in half and diffuse up to head till 95% dry, and airdry for 10 minutes. In short, a ridiculously long process for curls that people always end up touching and frizzing up (example: I worked at a soccer game with my bff Jonathan when he was my SID boss and during the game, one of the girls started twisting my ringlets after a wash day! I almost exploded right there much to Yonny’s glee)! Ultimately, don’t touch other people’s hair or bodies without expecting a freakout or some slaps!