Coping with an Anxiety Influx This Semester

The ocean, which eliminates my anxiety

Whew, we’re going there again, guys. Now, of course I know that mental illnesses don’t just *go away*, but I haven’t had many symptoms of my own as of late, so I hoped I was in the clear for a while. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I have anxiety and depression, and I’ve been dealing with the two for a while. My anxiety first popped up when I was a senior in high school and began having panic attacks and I was extremely depressed last spring as I went through a bad breakup and nearly failed my entire semester of classes. Over the past year I’ve felt *fine (not always by any means, but healthy for the most part), but this semester has been painfully difficult for my anxiety. I recently wrote about my senioritis issues and how I’m trying to stay satisfied with where I am right now despite my concerns over a lack of job options and future plans. My issues right now are no longer just with senioritis but with the anxiety that comes with uncertainty. I despise not knowing what will happen and I hate change even more. I always get upset with my sister because she reads the spoilers for every tv show and movie, but I wish I could do the same thing for life. If I could figure out a way to know that I’ll actually be okay in 10-20 years, maybe my anxiety wouldn’t flare up as much as it recently has. Maybe I would stop feeling so inadequate and insufficient just because companies aren’t asking for interviews. In a perfect world, I would be working at my dream job in New York City with endless opportunities and no student loans (and Brandon as my forever roommate), but for now, I need to relax and stop overwhelming myself with school, work, volunteering, and job applications. Deep down I know I have skills and talents, but it’s easy to get caught up in feeling like no one wants me and I’ll never feel fulfilled. I don’t know what I’m trying to share here, but I’m sure there is at least one person who’s been feeling the same way I am. My anxiety will never go away, but I can work on navigating my feelings and stressors and find a woman of color therapist to help me through these moments where I feel helpless and like a failure. For now, I’m breathing slowly, drinking water, and listening to all of the Frank Ocean I need to kick anxiety’s ass.