Since the start of our quarantine period back in March, my therapist moved our weekly sessions online through Telehealth. By the time April rolled around, however, I was discouraged by our lack of connection during the video chats. I wrote a full post back then about why talk therapy wasn’t working for me and how I needed to go back to in-person EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to make any type of successful progress in processing my past traumas. Essentially, I felt utterly distant from my therapist as we basically just talked about my week and the issues I was currently facing instead of diving deeper into how early events were shaping my reactions and emotions. Thankfully, my therapist returned to in-person meetings in the middle of June and our conversations have become much more successful. I’m almost always deeply reflective of how certain circumstances and relationships have affected me and this period of staying home has caused me to contemplate them more within my writing and therapy sessions. What I’ve recently analyzed in my emotional and mental states is that my environment and intimate interactions and relationships with others profoundly impact my self worth and desire to maintain a healthy state of mind, and that it’s okay to accept my ongoing depression even when I feel like I should be better. Whenever I’m pouring out my feelings and experiences to my therapist, I always feel the need to apologize and for what, I’m not sure. She’s currently helping me realize that I tend to hold in all of my worst traumas and encounters without telling anyone what’s happened, even though I share basically my entire life with strangers (and family, friends, and bosses) on the internet. I’m trying to understand why I’m completely open about certain parts of my life while hiding the emotional wounds I could use the most help with, and our successful in-person discussions and EMDR sessions are assisting me in these analyses. While I don’t enjoy reentering sore subjects and memories, returning to my in-person meetings has helped tremendously as of late and I’m thankful that I have access to each weekly session.