Remember the past several years when I fawned over therapy and recommended the practice to every single person I ever met/spoke to/looked at? I saw a therapist sporadically from the time I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in my senior year of high school until last September. I didn’t love or really connect with my first therapist because she was a family friend and I didn’t feel like I could be truly honest with her about my emotions and what I’d gone through. During that period of time we focused solely on mindfulness and practices to calm my anxiety and increasing number of panic attacks, but we never truly addressed the PTSD I developed from a previous relationship and current one. Eventually I stopped going to that psychologist and switched to a new one I found on Psychology Today in 2019. At that time I started seeing my new therapist once a week for well over a year when I spiraled into my worst depression after graduating from college and facing rejections and ghosting from every job I applied to. Last September though, I decided to stop going to therapy (I wrote about the break here) for good (or at least indefinitely) because even though we’re in a pandemic and I still struggle with anxiety, my mental health has improved tenfold (I’m giddy to have stopped doing EMDR as well). Now I’m at the one year after quitting therapy mark and I’ve never been in a healthier or happier place in my life. I never thought I’d be in a mental state where I can usually cope with stress, anxiety, and conflict without spiraling. During the pandemic I’ve focused on spending time with my family, friends, and boyfriend (did I mention that one before?) and my general anxiety and depression has diminished gradually over time. One year after quitting therapy my mental state is stable, I don’t get as easily worked up about conflict or problems (though that’s still not always the case), and I try to work through my issues in a calmer way instead of immediately exploding. Of course I still have bad days here and there, but I feel lighter and better and I want to stay this way. I will continue working on myself and doing what makes me happy with the people I love so I don’t fall back on old patterns. I’m thankful I have this space where I can be as open and vulnerable as I want so hopefully others feel empowered as well. I’m lucky to be in a healthy place one year after quitting therapy but I know if I need to go back, I can do that too.
