2017 was like one long anxiety attack with random bouts of joy as I continued my studies, blogging, work, and efforts to help people care about each other.
Unfortunately each semester seems like a blur once I try and put all negativity (and procrastination nightmares) behind me, but I’m sure the first semester of 2017 was the one where I slept through my religion final. So there’s that. I have never been an exceptional student, especially when it comes to classes I personally dislike and well friends, let’s just say I’m happy to leave my 2017 studies in hell where they belong. Okay, that might be a bit too pessimistic, even for me. I scheduled a five course MWF load starting at 6 am in the spring where I died and made my first attempt at taking Baylor’s mandatory political science class. I did indeed sleep through my religion final at the end of the term, wrote a long ass essay on Dietrich Bonhoeffer that salvaged my grade, and then bombed a quiz on the exact same guy right after I turned in my paper. However, I aced my US History class where I learned that I enjoy LBJ and Obama (obviously) and dislike basically the rest of them (looking at you, Jefferson, Jackson, FDR, Reagan, Bush(s), Clinton, Trump, etc). In what was undoubtedly my most difficult semester of all, I struggled through the fall. Two English classes about Christopher Columbus and the Puritans with no mention of Zora Neale Hurston or Toni Morrison or any form of 21st century poetry and my mind floated toward the upside down. I made my second attempt at political science and again, lost my bearings, so hopefully third time’s a charm! I need to manage my time, stress levels, and anxiety attacks better in order to find the promise land of decent grades in 2018. Andre 3000 give me strength.
I didn’t enter 2017 with much anxiety, but ended it with a fun visit to my therapist. Sometimes the world weighs on me as if I’m carrying Dwayne the Rock Johnson and I just need someone to vent to, you know? Rewatching clips from Like Crazy and crying alone in my room just ain’t cutting it anymore! The most substantial evolution in my life was finding a boy who didn’t skedaddle at the sight of my random tears or need to be cuddled 24/7 as I introduced my boyfriend Jacob to the entire world (aka my dad’s entire Facebook friend section who keeps this internet puppy going). Now I won’t rehash our every relationship detail here- I KNOW I’VE DECLARED THEM ENOUGH- but our past three years of friendship have easily developed into what we have today, which is mainly me asking him if he still likes me every hour. On good days, the answer is yes. My career goals have completely evaporated into thin air and I’m back in that good ole’ shithole of not knowing what the hell to do with myself. After acknowledging some of the gross slavery-inspired workings in the sports world, I don’t believe I could be happy in those environments. As much as I love football, I no longer accept the idea of black and brown bodies put in harm’s way in order to appease rich old white men and their fan bases. I’ve become too invested in searching for justice for victims of police brutality, the justice system, the government, and a country that was only made for one type of people to focus solely on a profit-based career path. The fight for justice and equality is too important to me to ignore. I’ve realized in 2017 that my one goal in life is to help people in any way I can. Hopefully that means working with homeless people, prisoners, people living in poverty, and those who have been neglected or abused by those sworn to protect them. Following the Trump presidency (ew I hate even saying those two words together) and all of the injustices across the globe has opened my eyes to the harsh reality of the world I live in. I want to make a better safer place for all people- a world where the Trumps and the Nazis and the KKK do not thrive and savor power. I want to have a career and/or live a life dedicated to freeing people, finding justice and peace for victims, ensuring that no human can be illegal, and fighting/marching/protesting until black lives matter. I know those are a lot to attempt, but 2017 has created a new me with better priorities. Of course, my family is still healthy and amazing and I truly wouldn’t be able to survive without them (aka mom, dad, Megan, pets, grandma, and grandpa). Brandon, Kaiʻolu, Parker, Mikayla, and Ali have also remained my go-to people in all times of need and Lo, Jonathan, and Stephanie are my family away from home while I’m in Texas! How lucky I am to have so many lovely people surrounding me.
At the end of the year, I celebrated This Is Noelle’s five year birthday! It’s crazy to think how much I’ve grown as a writer and a “blogger” since I was 16. Over the past two years, I haven’t missed a day of blogging and that’s one of my greatest accomplishments. Most of the time I’m up till 3 am because I need to get a post out and while that can be exhausting on top of my homework and other commitments, I wouldn’t trade this site for the world. I’m proud of the content I produce and I’m hoping that my writings have touched at least one person in the past year.